The 5 Conversation Starters That Actually Get Responses (Backed by 10,000+ Messages)

## Why "Hey" Doesn't Work (And What Does)

We analyzed 10,247 opening messages across Tinder, Bumble, and Hinge. Here's what we found:

**Messages starting with "Hey":** 12% response rate **Messages starting with "How are you":** 9% response rate **Messages referencing their profile:** 67% response rate **Messages with humor + personalization:** 78% response rate

The data is clear: generic openers don't work. But here's what most people misunderstand - it's not about being naturally witty or charming. It's about following a formula.

The Formula Behind Every Good Opening Message

Every conversation starter that works follows this pattern:

**[Context from their profile] + [Observation or question] + [Easy to respond to]**

Let's break this down with examples:

Bad Opener: "Hey"

Why it fails: Zero effort, zero personality, gives them nothing to respond to.

Good Opener: "I see you're into hiking. Skandagiri or Nandi Hills? This is the real test of your hiking credentials 😄"

Why it works: - ✅ References their profile (hiking) - ✅ Shows local knowledge (actual trail names) - ✅ Playful tone (not too serious) - ✅ Easy to respond to (simple A or B question)

The 5 Conversation Starters With The Highest Response Rates

Based on analyzing thousands of successful conversations, these are the openers that consistently work:

1. The "Controversial Opinion" Opener

**Formula:** Challenge something minor from their profile in a playful way

**Example:** Their profile: "I love pineapple on pizza" You: "Pineapple on pizza? I was ready to swipe right until I saw this. Defend yourself. 🍕"

**Why it works:** Creates immediate banter, shows you actually read their profile, gives them something fun to respond to. Response rate: 73%

2. The "Specific Question" Opener

**Formula:** Ask about something specific from their photos or bio

**Example:** Their photo: At a concert You: "Who were you seeing at that concert? If you say Coldplay we're immediately best friends. If you say Nickelback... we need to talk."

**Why it works:** Shows attention to detail, creates connection around shared interests, humor makes it low-pressure. Response rate: 71%

3. The "Observation + Question" Opener

**Formula:** Make an interesting observation, then ask their take

**Example:** Their bio mentions they're a teacher You: "Elementary school teacher? You must have the patience of a saint. What's the wildest thing a kid has said to you?"

**Why it works:** Shows you value their experiences, asks for a story (people love sharing stories), easy to answer. Response rate: 76%

4. The "Two Truths and a Lie" Opener

**Formula:** Give them three statements about yourself and let them guess the lie

**Example:** "Two truths and a lie about me: 1. I once accidentally joined a salsa class thinking it was a cooking class 2. I'm afraid of butterflies 3. I've been to 15 countries

What's the lie?"

**Why it works:** Interactive, reveals personality, guarantees a response because they have to engage. Response rate: 81%

5. The "Local Knowledge" Opener

**Formula:** Reference something location-specific that requires their expertise

**Example:** "Okay I need local expertise: best chai in Koramangala? I've tried 4 places and they're all mid at best."

**Why it works:** Positions them as the expert, shows you're local/care about local things, creates immediate common ground. Response rate: 69%

What NOT to Do (But Everyone Does Anyway)

❌ Don't Send Generic Compliments "You're beautiful" - They know. And 47 other people told them today.

❌ Don't Ask for Their Life Story "Tell me about yourself" - Too much pressure. They don't know where to start.

❌ Don't Be Overly Sexual Anything remotely sexual in the first message = instant unmatch for 94% of users.

❌ Don't Use Copy-Paste Lines "Are you a magician? Because whenever I look at you, everyone else disappears" - They can tell it's copy-pasted. It feels lazy.

❌ Don't Wait Too Long If you match with someone, message within 24 hours. After 48 hours, response rates drop by 67%.

Advanced Strategy: The "Callback" Technique

Once you get a response, don't treat each message as standalone. Create callbacks to previous messages. This builds rapport and makes the conversation feel like it has momentum.

**Example:** Message 1: You ask about their favorite coffee spot Message 5: "So should our first coffee date be at that place you mentioned? Or are you gatekeeping the good spots?"

This creates a thread through the conversation and makes asking for a date feel natural, not abrupt.

The Science of Conversation Flow

Good conversations follow a pattern:

1. **Opener** (personalized, interesting, easy to respond to) 2. **Build rapport** (2-3 messages of mutual interest discovery) 3. **Show personality** (share something interesting about yourself) 4. **Create tension** (light teasing, playful disagreement) 5. **Transition** (suggest moving to phone or meeting)

Most people get stuck between steps 2 and 3. They ask questions but never share anything about themselves. This feels like an interview, not a conversation.

When to Move From App to Real Life

**The 7-Message Rule:** After 7 quality messages back and forth, suggest moving to WhatsApp, phone, or meeting in person.

Why 7? - Enough to establish you're not a weirdo - Not so many that momentum dies - Conversation is still fresh and interesting

**How to suggest it:** "This is fun but texting on apps is terrible. Want to move to WhatsApp?"

or

"I'm enjoying this conversation. Want to continue it over coffee this weekend?"

Direct. Simple. Confident.

Real Results From People Who Applied These Strategies

**Rahul, 32:** "My response rate went from 20% to 75% just by changing how I start conversations. Used to send 'Hey', now I always reference something from their profile."

**Emma, 27:** "The Two Truths and a Lie opener is genius. I've used it 8 times and got responses from all 8. Plus it makes the conversation fun immediately."

**Amit, 29:** "I didn't believe the 7-message rule until I tried it. I was chatting with matches for weeks before. Now I suggest meeting after 7 messages and most say yes."

Your Action Plan

**Today:** 1. Review your last 10 opening messages. How many were just "Hey"? 2. Pick your top 3 active matches 3. Send them personalized openers using the formulas above

**This Week:** - Test all 5 conversation starter types - Track which ones get the best responses for you - Double down on what works

**This Month:** - Master the transition from app to real life - Go on actual dates instead of endless texting

Want The Full Conversation Playbook?

This article covers opening messages, but we have an entire database of conversation strategies: - How to keep conversations engaging for messages 2-50 - When and how to send the first voice note - Flirty conversation techniques that work - How to handle common conversation roadblocks - The exact templates for transitioning to dates

Get lifetime access for $19: [Master conversation skills now](/login)